#this whole post is overkill lmao

[chaotic-neutral-knitter]

tumblr is a blessedly siloed website in that it's generally hard to track down what people are vagueing about bc you can't see their likes or who they follow and backreading someone's blog typically requires scrolling through a lot of unrelated stuff. Honestly? I love this because it saves me from the worst parts of myself.

but it does exacerbate a type of internet argument that I find particularly exhausting, which goes kind of like this:

Person A's dash

B: why do people love coffee so much? it tastes terrible

A: I love coffee

B: wow okay I guess it's illegal to dislike coffee?

A: uhhh no one fucking said it was illegal to dislike coffee?? tf?

Person B's dash

C: I love coffee!

B: why do people love coffee so much? it tastes terrible

A: I love coffee

C: fuck everyone who talks shit about coffee

C: coffee haters DNI

C: if you can't appreciate the bean, go to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200

B: wow okay I guess it's illegal to dislike coffee??

A: uhhh no one fucking said it was illegal to dislike coffee?? tf?

Person C's dash

A: I love coffee!

D: if you like coffee you suck

A: I love coffee

D: everyone who drinks coffee is a murderer

C: fuck everyone who talks shit about coffee

C: coffee haters DNI

C: if you can't appreciate the bean, go to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200

A: uhhh no one fucking said it was illegal to dislike coffee?? tf?

Anyways sometimes you (B or C) will say something very normal and then you'll see a bunch of angry posting about that same topic, so you'll assume (reasonably) that people are responding to what you said.

But it's also entirely possible that there is a real person (D) standing behind you (B) that is being a huge jerk but all you can see is other people (A and C) responding to it.

Or it could be that the person (B) who seems to be defending the jerk (D) is actually defending a completely different position.

If you don't have the context for what someone is responding to, it's very easy to misinterpret what they're saying. And because everyone has a different dash, we are all working with different context. It's really easy to think that your context is universal and everyone else is being completely unreasonable.

So just, idk. The strawman you think people are arguing with might just be a real guy that you didn't happen to see. And vague posting is something that, by its very nature, is going to hit people who aren't the intended target. We are all working with different information and none of us have the complete picture.

[leftneb]

Curiositas aka sirens!AU

in which Lando is a siren with species dysphoria and Oscar is the defintion of Just Some Guy, who happens to get caught up in Lando's mess. and obviously they fall in love along the way etc etc

I first posted about this idea over 2 months ago and I'm happy to announce that there is now a fic in the works!!! which will likely take at least another 2 months because goddamn the concept outgrew itself (as you can tell by the fact charles and max also, like, exist now) it's sitting at ~8k words rn, which is by far the longest thing I've ever written in my life already, but story isn't even close to being finished, so yeah it'll take a while lmao

for now though I have some character designs and lots of thoughts, which I'd like to share :3

ramblings about their individual designs and details below the cut!!

and massive thank you to my dear partner @lailau7904 for not only holding my hand through writing the fic so far but somehow being even more insane about this whole AU than I am???

LANDO

main character (and POV holder) his design isn't based on any real fish, closest resemblance is to a fake fishing lure (reference provided)

very little scarring despite sirens' hunting culture, some tiny cuts and scratches around the top of his tail from smuggling pretty stones and shards of glass

absurdly bright green scales (I really could've made him fluorescent but I think that would be overkill) which is absurdly shit for stealth purposes but good for catching the attention of potential victims

vague triangle shape language but in a semi-elegant way

doesn't eat fish and would rather not eat human either

MAX

fills the position of a leader in his and Lando's colony, inherited the role in his late teens but grew up to it pretty quickly

shark motif, all sharp and angular shapes, visibly intimidating

lots of scars collected during hunts, wounds covered over by red scales from Charles

his scales are pretty dark but they shine blue when the light hits them just right (plus Charles' scales are a bright red lmao, which is a bit suboptimal for stealth but he thinks it's worth it)

CHARLES

koi fish motif, soft and round shapes

no scarring at all

has known Max since they were kids but actually didn't meet Lando until their 20s despite Max and Lando being childhood best friends

considered legally dead by monegasque officials (this has lore reasons which I'm not about to spoil)

GENERAL NOTES

the AU plays in a modern setting, altough sirens are very behind on human technology

their gills are on the side of their ribs! they can also all breathe with their lungs above water

funky scales patterns on their torsos around "modified" areas such as their gills and back fin

they have no hands but don't let that fool you! I was simply too lazy to draw any, what you would see if I did draw them tho would include:

webbing between fingers!! matches the colour of fins

longer, and more solid, claw-like nails

wrinkled palms and fingertips

I really wanted to make Max and Charles' torsos more life accurate but could not be arsed, they all have Lando's body type, aka I've accidentally twinkified Charles and Max lmao

by now you might have noticed that there's no design for Oscar, and as much as I really want to make a siren design for him that would have some pretty heavy lore implications so I'm... hesitant to do so

other people on my sirenification waiting list are:

George Russell and Alex Albon (for the 2019 rookies circle to be complete)

Franco Colapinto (based purely off vibes)

the whole grid really god I'm so ill

for the record Logan is a human in this AU but he IS present fuck you James Vowles

you may have also noticed the papaya version I labeled as McLaren themed (this one is also the highest quality image I have in this thread if you're gonna do any zooming in please do it on this one,,,,)

all throughout writing and drawing I couldn't help but think about another banger siren!Lando fic: Salt Skin by @strawberry-daiquiris! in which Lando has orange slash papaya scales, which I just had to draw honestly

a lot of my design process was also inspired by a piece by @dumbf1sketches (it's somewhere in the pile of other gorgeous art in that post)

bonus underwater version of all of them because it wasn't bright enough for me to feel good about it being at the top but it's still like, the main colour example to my brain

TAGLIST(S)

AU @mintraindrop @cx-boxbox (I know the og post is from actual ages ago but you two were interested so I humbly offer you these crumbs)

ART @santongkabayo @cyclonixi @alto-the-avocado @loquarocoeur

people that put up with my ramblings on dc @lyslsstuff @peppysinc @girlrussell

[alllgator-blood]

I have ten billion WIP sketches I need to finish, but for some reason I stayed up from 9 PM to 4 AM conceptualizing, making patterns, sewing, painting and applying makeup on this stupid fucking felt squid......the detailing needs to be cleaned up cause there's only one coat of paint so far, but he's pretty much done

my neighbors probably think I'm insane because I was running around the yard clenching this toy kallamar in a death grip and flying him around like an airplane/putting him in the barbecue/poking him with a stick. I want to tie him to a string and recreate the opening of napoleon dynamite >:) ALSO I MADE HIM SMOKE OUT OF A STUPID CRYSTAL PIPE BUT PLEASE DON'T ACTUALLY USE THOSE, THEY ARE SUPER TOXIC LMAO MINE IS FOR DECORATION

I don't have any process pics because I had tunnel vision autism style and forgot the rest of the universe existed while I was working on him. BUT if you're curious I'll ramble below the cut

Okay I am not a seamstress by any means. I've sewn my entire life but very, very infrequently. I've done plushies, clothes, cosplays, fursuits, accessories, etc. but I only do one like once a year, so while I planned to make all 5 bishops, I'm not really sure I'll get them all done. The material cost was like 20 bucks tops so I'm not too upset if I don't finish them. I AT LEAST WANT TO GET SHAMURA OR HEKET DONE.

here is the concept sketch ft. heket's toes and shamura's fingers. I decided to do his pre-schism version so I could fit him with jewelry! I did him first because like I said I sew infrequently and don't know wtf I'm doing, everyone else seemed a lot more complicated.

So I basically just traced this drawing on a printer paper-sized canvas in SAI, and guesstimated how everything would look in a 3D space. His head is four pieces, one triangle identical to the one in the picture, two wide triangles that are sewn together in the back, and a circle for his chin. You can't really see it in any of the pics but he's literally like a black cylindrical stick with little tentacles sewn on where his mantle connects to his cloak. The leg tentacles are one piece of felt that look like tassels, where they're connected by a rectangle but branch off into individual pieces. He can't stand up very well, so his cape keeps him up (that's gonna be an issue for every other bishop too except heket cause she's gonna be ROUND). Mostly everything like the crown, cloak, head, etc. are cones so I just had to make a lot of wide triangles.

For the details, I just used acrylic paint that was watered down so he's not especially crunchy, and for the blush tone I used a makeup palette my mom bought me 10 years ago in hopes I'd get in touch with my "feminine side", but I grew up into a nonbinary butch lesbian so OOPS. Kallamar looks better with makeup than me anyway. I'm kinda sad I couldn't get his freckles as lopsided as I draw them but it probably looks better in plush form to have them even anyway....

I could just post the pattern so I don't have to explain this but 1. I am mentally ill about the thought of my kallamar being in someone else's house and 2. the original pattern had to be tweaked while I was working on him so the final pattern straight up doesn't exist, I winged it the whole time

OH and the jewelry is just scrap pieces I had laying around, I might repaint it all to be gold instead of silver + bronze. I used 20g aluminum wire for his armlet thing, jumper rings for his earrings + ring (+ a diamond dot from my mom's kits for the gem) and chain for the bracelet. I made him an amulet as well but it felt like overkill so I took it off. I'm probably gonna make him a plague doctor mask and medicine bag sometime because I think about nurse kallamar more than I probably should :') I've already sewn one as a prop for a toy raven before so it shouldn't be too hard

[emohorseboy]

I'm so interested in all of your posts about mad liberation. I've never seen anything that puts my thoughts on the whole psych complex into words. I'm really curious to learn more about this. No pressure if not, but do you happen to know of any more comprehensive resources on this? Like books maybe?

Hi, I can definitely give you some recs! My list is a little bit UK centric because that's where I'm based but hopefully it's useful:

In terms of books:

I read 'Mad World: The Politics of Mental Health' by Micha Frazer-Carroll this summer and I can't recommend it enough.

I'm also making my way through 'Call Me Crazy: Stories from the Mad Movement' by Irit Shimrat, which I think is out of print but can be read as a PDF here (hopefully)

I've only dipped in and out of his books for my dissertation but Andrew Scull has written several well regarded books about the history of psychiatry ('Museums of Madness' is the one I've read bits of, 'Desperate Remedies' is on my TBR)

Some books on my TBR: 'The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disease' by Johnathan Metzl, 'Drop the Disorder!', 'Searching for a Rose Garden: Challenging Psychiatry, Fostering Mad Studies', 'Anatomy of an Epidemic' by Robert Whitaker

Some really good articles:

'Abolition Must Include Psychiatry' by Stella Akua Mensah

'Mad Activists: The Language We Use Reflects Our Desire for Change' by Lisa Archibold

'Not a naughty child: people’s experiences of service responses to self-injury' by Alison Faulkner and Rachel Rowan Olive

More resources!

The Campaign for Psychiatric Abolition - UK based, they have a lot of really great resources including an extensive recommended reading list, a Psych Abolition 101 Zine, and a resource for making a crisis support plan.

Asylum Magazine - again UK based, radical mental health magazine. To read full issues you need to subscribe (I recently paid for a subscription for a year of digital editions for £10, physical copies are a bit more) but the website has plenty of articles that you can read for free so well worth exploring.

Psych Survivor Archive - US based this time, there is so much on here, the Psych Survivor Zine is the main event but they also have a really great resource list (some of the links are dead though).

Mad in America - publish a lot of really interesting and impactful stuff on their website, I also really like their podcast (particularly recommend this episode about ECT, this one about esketamine, and this one about 'prolonged grief disorder'). There is also Mad in the UK and a number of other country specific sites that exist as part of their Mad in the World Network.

Folks to follow:

Dolly Sen - UK based artist who does and is doing a lot of cool stuff, notably at the moment they are the lead artist for the Birdsong From Inobservable Worlds project. This podcast episode they did is also great.

Nicole / lacey_art_ - another UK based artist, she wrote a poem about a bird recently that I can't stop thinking about (she does a lot of other cool things too).

Rachel Rowan Olive - brilliant and funny artist, she is also on instagram and etsy.

Luna Tic - artist and activist who has been involved with a lot of really brilliant stuff, including the successful StopSIM Coalition here in the UK which managed to bring an end to SIM.

There are so many more I could name and so many more things I could recommend but this post is already so long! I really hope it was helpful. I started trying to be brief and then gave up but I did cut out a fiction and literature recs section because I thought that was overkill lmao. Thank you for giving me an excuse to make this list I had a great time.

Learning about the Mad and psych survivor movements has been so transformative and empowering for me and I could honestly talk about it all day. Please do feel free to send me a message if you want to chat about it more!

[tls123]

Sorry if I bother you, but I really love your gif sets! Do you know some tutorials or, app, or anything, to learn how to make good gif? I am learning and I feel very stupid because all my gifs are shit. (if my ask is inappropriate or anything, please ignore me)

you're not bothering and none of this is inappropriate, you're more than welcome in my inbox! as for your questions, let's see what i can do.

1) tutorials — i've been doing this for long enough that i don't really have much to recommend here, the only tutorials i use nowadays are all about specific things and not how to make gifs as a whole. that being said i've linked this one before, i personally do some things differently but it's a very good tutorial, well-received by gifmakers who are just starting and well written, from what i've skimmed through.

another good post to look through is this one, not a gifmaking tutorial per se but it goes into sizes, sharpening, and how to get neat & clear gifs. two of the main points are A) while you can get away with making gifs out of a 720p quality video, 1080p is what is usually recommended. you could use 4k as well, but a 1080p video is usually easier to find, will take less space in your storage, and will give you really good results already. no need for overkill <3 as for B) size matters here on tumblr dot com, mostly width. the op of the post linked in this paragraph has included a nice graphic for the size limits for gifs, you can refer to it as you make your gifs so that whatever you make won't turn out pixelated once you upload it to tumblr.

if you're curious, i've been asked about my sharpening settings here and i spoke before on tumblr sizing here

2) software — you mentioned app, if by app you mean mobile stuff then i'm sorry, i can't help you! i've never made gifs through mobile and i wouldn't even know which direction to point towards for you to find more information. as for computers, if you mean programs then these are what i use to make my gifs: potplayer (for taking screencaps) and photoshop cc 2020 (for making the actual gifs, this is the post i used but here's one with more links)

now i'd like to mention something my grandma always used to say: no one is born learned. you're not stupid just because it's taking you a while to do something, learning is a process and everyone has their own pace. i've been making gifs for a decade now and i know there are things i could do better! i'm also still learning, i make plenty of "shit" gifs before stumbling my way to something i am okay with posting, and sometimes i'm really proud of what i've made and other times i think it's just "good enough". i understand feeling disheartened but please do not feel stupid about any of this!

no use in putting yourself down, now hold my hand and let's add the finishing touches on this long ass reply <3

3) tips — we've mentioned video quality, sharpening, and sizing. what else, what else. personally i would start simple (and i did, way back when, and still do!! most of my gifs are quite simple). so: cropping/resizing + coloring + sharpening. it'll help get the basics down and then you'll have a good foundation for everything else you might want to learn. i mentioned in another ask, almost two years ago now lmao, that i used to download other people's free psds (that is, pre-made settings and layers to color your gifs) and instead of using them i would open them up and pick them apart to see how people were coloring things, which layers they used, in which order, stuff like that.

remember: there is no right or wrong to do this! you could ask ten different people how they make their gifs, and their preferences for any specific part of the process, and you'd get ten different answers. if you find a tutorial and don't vibe with it, throw that aside and look for another. pick and choose, find what works for you and what doesn't! and that means do not be afraid to experiment and try things out.

also, don't like photoshop? no problem! i started with gimp, now personally i wouldn't recommend it over ps but it's a good program, it taught me a lot, and there's really nothing to hate about it. it might have less functions than ps though, and already a decade ago there weren't that many tutorials/resources for it.

don't like photoshop AND don't want to download a program? try photopea, i haven't used it but it works directly from your browser and it should do everything photoshop does!

let me know if there's anything else i can help with <3

[kawaimoonshine]

🏹🎭Drowned In Emotion🎭🏹

[I'm semi active here lmao, just tryna be active here too and I'm too lazy to type things over so yeet]

So one day I was feeling like drawing/writing something angsty, so here we are

Fanart for @soundbluster-arts hope ya like it :D

The arrows got a meaning, can you guess what it is by the colours?

Okay I tell you, they represent the symbiotes that Soundy had lost and the emotional impact it had on him

I feel like Laserbeak's might've impacted a bit more which is why his arrow is bigger than the rest

I didn't dare to guess who else Soundy might've lost, so I only relied on the very old Soundwave and Ravage asks where this topic was in (I think they were one of the first ones? Flashbox literally interviewing them back then xD)

I gotta admit tho when I first time read those asks, I looked at Garboil and was like "who are you?" And for some reason kept mixing them up with either Slugfest or Overkill, like I was very confused when I tried to compare (the Soundwave ask post's Garboil and the reference sheet) who is who pretty much IGNORING the names (or thinking there might've been a "mistake", don't know which) lmao until now during the research did I understood that Garboil was de bird, DE BIRD XDD

But yea, in case you don't recognise the colour palettes, it's Laserbeak, Wingthing, Garboil and Buzzsaw (I had a little struggle choosing the palette for Wingthing as in don't know if I go with yellow, reddish brown or dark grey but ultimately decided to go with yellow despite it being kind of a highlight more than dominant colour)

This was also the first time I drew Soundwave in full body and I'm damn happy with it and this whole piece in general, I think I struggled with the legs tho xD and I also didn't know what to do with his right hand so now it's just kinda not really grabbing the arrow but just being there

Anyway, I should stop rambling before this gets too long xD guess I got a lot to talk about

~

SGP!Soundwave belongs to @soundbluster-arts

[callsignspark]

Ik this isnt part of the ask game, but would you consider showing us how you outline in Trello?? It looks so freaking effective!

I have been waiting for someone to ask me this question. thank you so so so so much you’re going to regret asking lmao

so as I said before I use Trello - a free cloud based project management tool - to outline and write my fics (and also for my to do list and my Christmas present shopping and vacation planning and literally everything) because, to be 100% honest with you, I have no chill. I have never been relaxed about anything. ever. not a single day in my life. and therefore I marinate on fic ideas in my mind for months (sometimes years!) before I start doing anything with them. this is my process I use for everything I write and we’re using Mar[r]y Me as my example!

the first thing is the idea. I get an idea and I word vomit vibes into the closest thing (notes app, google doc, scribbling into my work notebook, texting a friend) and then I marinate on the idea. I first had the idea for Mar[r]y Me on January 25, 2023. it went through several iterations as I shaped what it was going to be and below is what I sent to Jordan in June 2023 and it’s the basis for the story we’ve all been following. (or mostly, it’s changed quite a bit since then.)

once I’m ready to start writing I create a board in Trello. think of a board like a white board, you then add “cards” which I think of as sticky notes except with a lot more features. also my process is the same no matter if it’s a one shot or a multi chapter fic, it just depends if it gets its own board or it goes into my one shot board. (which is filled with ideas waiting to be written lol) anyway. this is the Mar[r]y Me board!

for a multi chapter fic like this each chapter gets a card in the IN PROGRESS list (they move to the right as things get written/posted). each card follows a template: title, due date (loosely assigned to get an idea of what a posting schedule may look like), a label (always being with need to plan), and a checklist. also the chapter outline - obviously.

before I get into the outline, I use the labels as a nice visual representation of what the status of everything is. as the screenshot below shows, the each writing stage has its own color (and I use the color blind color schemes so I get the fun patterns too!) and it gets changed as we go along. it helps me know at a quick glance where everything is at the moment.

I also love the checklist feature, see below. which basically has all the steps I need to follow once I have a chapter written and ready for final editing. it may seem like overkill but I work long hours and you’d be amazed at how easily my brain forgets things lmao. so this ensures nothing is missed when I’m getting ready to post.

now onto the outline. my outline goes from something super basic, to a few bullet points, to an in depth summary of what’s going to be written. using chapter one as an example of this progression.

1. this is the og outline for the whole story. just a dream and a vibe and one sentence. literally.

2. the expanded outline for chapter one

3. just a small section of the final outline I used to write the chapter. a lot of my final outline ends up being actual sentences that I use in the final draft, I basically write the chapter in bullet points and unfinished sentences.

4. I use the very expanded outline to write the actual chapter. following along bullet point by bullet point. an example from chapter 9 since that’s what I’m writing rn.

5. once everything is written, all the bullet points have been used up or ignored, I transfer it into google docs and read it to myself, editing as I go. once I’m happy with my final rough draft I use grammarly to idiot check things because I’m an engineer not an English major. then I start using the checklist (teaser posting, creating tumblr post, etc.) and then the worst part. I walk around my home office and I read the entire chapter out loud to myself and make final edits as I go. is it excruciating to have to listen to myself speak the flirting I’ve just written out loud? yes. have I made myself cry multiple times? yes. do I find a lot of rough spots and smooth them out? yes. that’s usually done on Thursday nights.

6. from there it’s all final editing and formatting and scheduling the final post. I also have to create the accompanying recipe post for Mar[r]y Me so I do that too. and we post on Fridays! sometimes I share the google doc link with friends so they get an advanced copy of the chapter and sometimes they get to be surprised with everyone else (I’m running behind schedule and don’t have time to share it lmao)

it’s a lot of work for something I’m producing for free but I genuinely love it so much and it helps me keep everything straight. there would be so many lost ideas and abandoned thoughts if I didn’t do it this way. it’s crazy that this the first fic I’ve ever written and that I’ll probably be close to 90k words by the time it’s finished.

if you’ve made it this far thank you for indulging my very intense brain and it’s processes. I love the community we’ve created here on this blog and I’m so excited to keep writing and sharing. and I especially want to give a big thank you to my very good friends Ames, Alexa, and Jordan. Mar[r]y Me would not be the story it is without them and I can’t thank you enough for your love and encouragement during this story.

[hellbubu]

Hello!! Ik im super late, I spent the whole saturday travelling back to my hometown (a 7 hour travel turned into 10 so i just wanted to sleep after) and today was fathers day here and i had a family asado, so i got home at 5pm and also wanted to sleep after so many hours of ~socializing~ lmao Also, here I have next to zero privacy and it's very difficult to have 'unproductive' time online ¬¬ My mother demands at least 6 hours of conversation a day and its...exhausting

Anyways, finally watched the ep! And it left me with more doubts than answers tbh

First, I think Blue house really doesn't give a shit about the tournament. Its a given they're gonna lose, so why bother with much training? I think they participate out of obligation, but I bet being in the team is more like a chore than an honor at this point lol (idk how Derrick would fake it, except by saying he's the leader when he just played for fun and left the rest of the responsabilities and strategizing to others?)

Somehow Derrick IS less creepy as a zombie, ngl. His dead eyes at least make sense when he's, you know, dead.

And I must say that I already didnt think much of the P4, but after this??? Bitch, be fr right now. Did they seriously just slaughtered 6 people??? And did it for the 'school traditions' not even the student body who are the actual victims!? Cause I'd totally support them if they had thought of the students, since the fucking 'Lower Master' (which i guess would be the vicedirector/vicerector???) was in on it (which eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww????????' like, are you some kind of pedo sadist? or just so hard up for that whiskey? what is your deal, man???) and they had no recourse for justice. But eh, maybe plan a little?? The tiniest bit???

Also, we don't see what became of the others!!! Did they kill them all? Did they knock them out and left them tied up somewhere and waited for Druitt's people to murder them?? (Imagine you expect your nephew to have killed 1 (one) boy and then he just throws SIX corpses at you lmao) And WHY were they more worried about Derrick than about the Lower Master? WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS IN THIS SCHOOL? You *cannot* pay me enough to believe that 4 teenage boys have more autority than the full roaster of teachers? *They* never wondered where the man was? Why were they following orders from children??? How little did they interact with their superior than a zombie didn't arouse any questions?

(Also, HOW did they took them all out? Wheter they killed them or knocked them out, there were 4 other robust boys and a full grown adult and they had one single weapon! I was kinda expecting Violet to start throwing butter knifes a lá Sebastian when he crouched before the door lololol)

And that post-mortem hit really was overkill. I guess they felt Derrick was completely to blame and wanted to let out some anger. How do you even coordinate a hit like that tho? Awkward xD

I did not expect Ciel to keep up the innocent act lol. Yeah, suuuure you don't understand a little murder as a necessity (or as a treat xD) And admitting murder so readily is the epitome of stupid!! They didnt even ask you directly if you killed him! You could have said he died accidentally and you just...stumbled into UT's cult. Bluff or something, man! Amateurs

Yeahh I totally believe people with more wealth and prospects have more 'episodes' planned out. Poor people tend to just think about the end of the month and then the next one and so on. Rich people don't have many limits to their imaginations (I mean, the men dont.). I believe the LM, being an 'educator' had probably plans for multiple of the boys and their futures and how that'd affect his, bla bla bla and that's why he became so...lifelike.

Oh, so you're in the UT is Ciel's grandad train! Or is it canon now? Idk, I feel lost xD (But ALSO. Why is UT not chasing the people that killed his son/other Phantomhives and instead antagonising the only actual Phantomhive left???????? It makes no senseeeeee)

I don't give a s h i t if bullets didn't do UT harm. The SECOND I heard that 'heh-heh-heh' I'd be shooting. Three bullets at least (Ciel's gun is a modern one, why the f idk, so he prob has 20-25 bullets instead of the 5-6 of revolvers). I'd just want some *blood*. (Kudos to Ciel for keeping his head straight tho, UT would have probably bounced the bullets and injured the others)

Hartcourt is going THROUGH it today. He was probably very relieved when Blue House humiliated themselves in front of the Queen cause people would probably forget what happened to him in the pitch. But now this??? Poor baby. He's gonna have nightmares for YEARS.

I love the idea that O!Ciel still has an inner goodness that neither of his blood family had, even without being hella traumatized as a child.

Sebastian being pre-cog is bullshit. Just say you're insecure, Seb. It's okay. UT kicked your ass before, it's fair to be scared lolol

And poor Joanne passing out. I kept expecting Ciel to shoot the zombie Sebastian was protecting him from in the head, making his head explode, to remark the fact that he can (kinda) protect himself (sometimes). Alas, he didn't. Wasted oportunity!

Sebastian totally wants the Queen dead. He hates his master being someone else's dog xD

I LOVE that Ed went away but only to look for a weapon and come back!! Love that kid lol

The P4 were expelled and left probably in disgrace, but really, how much?? Like, they obviously end up working for Druitt (WHY?) but....adopt a new identity? Leave the country? I love that they sticked together tho. And even this the crown had all of THIS covered up; so really, they could have just done better.

Love the servants and the little glimpse we got of them! Ciel missed them too, it's obvious ha.

Oh, the Queen is 10000% evil (like pretty much any monarch of this time period) and very much had something to do with Ciel's family dying. Why tho, is the question.

Traveling for so long is tiring, adding to that socializing, amor you should probably rest a bit more. Just imagining me traveling 10 hours plus having to socialize that much makes me feel like one of UT's bizarre dolls.

Maybe Derrick just made the others play badly so that he'd look better? But that just makes it funnier when the time for the tournament comes and he's shit. "I'm just here to have a good time." "Well, stop having a good time and start properly playing!"

Honestly, I kinda like how much they value tradition because it makes the school seem a bit evil. Others have already pointed out that this arc is a mundane horror arc. The pace and the goals make it seem like one of those teen movies but not quite right. Ciel needs to get rid of a bully, he needs to get close to the popular kids (the P4) so he can get invited to the party (the midnight tea party) like in the movies. Ciel is almost like that unpopular kid who wants to become popular. But at the same time, the arc reflects how society as a whole works. You need to network, gain trust, etc. to get invited to certain things. There are traditions or processes that could be changed but aren't because "they work just fine rn. if it ain't broke don't fix it."

I don't like that the P4 are idiots that share 1 brain cell, because in what universe do you decide to try and bring your victims back to life???? They'll tattle on you.

The Lower Master is 1000% a pedo sadist. Why else would he be hiding in the shadows watching kids get beat? IMO he's as bad a Druitt because those kids are under his care, the parents put their trust in that institution, in that fucker and he does that? he's a bitch.

There is only one teacher in that school and it's Sebastian. Otherwise, the other houses would have a coach too. But it only seems like the Blue House has a coach, that does spend a lot of time with one particular young boy and carries him when he's hurt and kinda flirted with another and made him confess to being bullied... yeah, that school has too many faculty that's into kids... poor kids.

Violet kinda just blocked the exit while Redmond + Bluewer held one person and Greenhill beat up Derrick. I love Violet, I really do, but there's no way he took down the rest of the boys. Those boys should've been able to run and the P4 should've been forced to hunt them down for sport.

The P4 are lucky to live in an era where they can't be easily voice-recorded. Because if Ciel wasn't the Queen's Guard dog, it'd be a he said, she said kinda thing. The moment Ciel started asking, they should've just said," I have the right to an attorney and won't speak without one present."

Gender and socio-economic status must play a big role. There would obviously be exceptions, there's always people eager to climb the social ladder (marrying kids into a better-off family, a middle-class family pushing for one of the kids to go into a good, respectable, career, etc.) The LW was probably just eager imagining what kinda of kid he'd see beaten up next year and what success story would decide to mention his name as an inspirations or whatever, maybe he even wanted to become the headmaster.

Amor, I don't think he's Ciel's grandpa. I just think he was Claudia's sidepiece. She probably rode that D while away from home when he was busy being the Guard Dog. She probably left after fucking, meaning UT wrote their names and drew hearts around them in a notebook. Maybe they're canon in the manga, but I just find this funnier.

I feel like UT would've either been offended had Ciel fired at him or found it hilarious. Because that kid knows not even 2 reapers and a demon can take him on but he still shot at him? He'd burst out laughing.

Harcourt is the real victim. He shat himself in front of everyone, he discovers one of his crushes is a butler, then his body goes into shock because there are hungry, hungry zombies and he pisses himself, lastly, his two crushes are being gay in front of him and he passes out. And by, like, the next day, his boss is expelled, his crushes leave, and he isn't allowed to talk to anyone about what happened. My boy needs therapy.

I think Yana has spoken at times about how Vincent is kinda very evil and just the fact that he's evil (even if he's so soft and attentive to his sons) was kinda passed down to them. I think R!Ciel might've inherited more of the Phantomhive evilness because he was the oldest and Vincent might've spent a bit more time since he'd inherited everything. I also think that Ciel has always been the one with more inner goodness, I think. I've seen screenshots here where O!Ciel says he wants to start his toy company because he's almost always inside (cause he's sickly) and wants kids like him to be able to enjoy themselves because most toys are outside toys. Meanwhile, R!Ciel tells him that it's dumb and stuff. There's also a difference when it comes to how they speak about the Earl's duties to the people who live in the Phantomhive land and how they talk to servants from the little I've seen.

Ed is such a sweet boy. I like the dynamic between him and Ciel.

I am 10000000000% Druitt approached them and gave them the job because he "loves" his nephew. The only way Druitt becomes tolerable to me is if I HC him hating his family and going out of his way to fuck them over. That's why he's doing this to poor Redmond. Because I doubt even he (Druitt) is stupid enough to think that any of this is a good idea.

and very much had something to do with Ciel's family dying. Why tho, is the question.

I can answer this question. She had Claudia killed because she UT's D but he was too in love with Claudia. She obviously had to wait until there was a Phantomhive heir old enough to be a Guard Dog before killing her, hence she waited until Vincent was around 15 years old. Then she got impatient because UT had still not gotten over his ex and killed Vincent. She probably wouldn't give a shit if the twins dies because if UT didn't want her, then she'd at least have killed all he loved and would just give the title to the Midfords or some other family. (joking)

My best bet is that they were turning against her or knew something that they shouldn't and she didn't trust them to keep their mouths shut.

[starnightlover]

excuse me for being lovesick but i am so head over heels for my (future) gf and i have so many plans for us 🤭🤭

in my void list i scripted that our love is the type of shit poets write about (this isn't even all LMAO) and when i tell you just thinking about it gets me so excited !!!!! i also scripted that she comes to my country for a bit and because i'm moving to a whole other continent soon i have it written that her and her family move at the same time as us,, like we're literally on the same flight and everything. i wrote that i completely forget about scripting it though because i want to experience having her just show up at my door w no warning whatsoever.

i have a pinterest board of all the things i'm planning to get her post-void and there's over 200 things there. i'm thinking it might be overkill but tbh what am i manifesting all this wealth for if i'm not going to absolutely SPLURGE on my girl ?? plus her sister is dating some guy who gets her and one of her brothers a lot of stuff so you KNOWWW i have to show that man up 🤭

if she doesn't approach me first i'm not going to ask her out for like a month (if i can hold back for that long LMAO) because i want our little sapphic love story to cook a bit yk— the subtle hints,, comments,, "us" tiktoks,, gushing about each other to our friends,,, i'm going to DIE.

i've never loved ANYONE like i love her and i can't wait for us to be together. her name is literally written all over my heart,, like i can barely call it my heart at this point. she's just so lovely and literally my muse. ♡︎

THIS MAKES MY HEART SO HAPPY!!!! AWWWWWW THAT IS SO CUTE!!!!

When you find that person it's amazing!! I am so happy for you! I can't wait for you to get your gf! After all you already have her 😉 What a amazing thing to be excited about!!

[wibble-wobbegong]

Based Anon here!! I can't stop thinking about what we talked about Mike's character arc right now and I was also thinking about the juiciness of him having a Vecna vision to unravel his hidden character's arc. So, I have a kinda ambitious request to make: Could you describe the sequence or the elements Mike's (perfect) vecna vision must contain, please?

BASED ANON WITH THE BASED QUESTIONS!!!! this has been in my inbox for such a long time and i am SO sorry. i was originally gonna answer this with a huge breakdown of the overkill trance songs but i could never get the little details to fit quite right and i feel i covered most of the actual implications in the original post anyway and i don’t wanna start putting all my eggs in one basket so! there’s only one moment i’m gonna be talking about here that pulls straight from the overkill songs because i genuinely think it would be a fantastic ending to mike’s trance

let me say first that i’m coming at this from the perspective that mike will be in this trance for the two year time skip, giving us plenty of time to go through a lot of his fears and insecurities. we need the time to really understand everything that’s been withheld from us and that goes beyond just mike’s feelings for will and fear of being outted. so, below the cut, i’m gonna get into dustin, lucas, nancy, his parents, max, el, will, and then my ideal final scene. i don’t necessarily think the trance explorations will appear in that order (besides the ending) but that’s how i feel like talking about it

Mike’s relationships with each of these characters goes farther beyond the aspect I’m assigning them, however I don’t think we’ll have time to dive into every little detail of every relationship. I’m taking the most prominent thing from each dynamic and showing how it leads to their role in Mike’s trance.

ALSO Max isn’t here because I don’t think she’s going to be in his trance as an illusion, and getting into that deserves a whole other post lmao

Dustin; Loneliness

Okay, starting with Dustin. How does Dustin fit into Mike’s trance? This is something I plan on doing a very deep dive with once I finish the post about Mike’s self destruction, but I actually think Mike and Dustin will inevitably end up fighting about Eddie in S5. They could support each other, but narratively, Mike needs to feel like he’s also lost Dustin in order to push him to the final scene.

I have a feeling Mike is gonna be very reluctant to believe Eddie is actually dead despite Dustin’s insistence. Mike has suffered the most loss of actual people in the show right next to Joyce. He thought Will died, he thought El died, he thought Hopper died (yes Hopper is important to Mike’s story and he cares about him and their dynamic is a whole thing). Every single person Mike has cared for, loved, who died, eventually came back. Nobody is ever really dead in Mike’s world. He’s seen other people die, he’s seen them stay dead, but it’s never the people he cares about the most.

Alongside that, Mike is a character with a lot of hope. He’s stubborn and he almost never gives up with ease. If there’s a solution, he’s not gonna stop until he finds it. Even if Dustin saw Eddie die, Mike isn’t gonna stop hoping. They saw Will’s body, they saw El die, and Joyce first hand reported Hopper’s death and they all came back. He’s not gonna believe Eddie died just like that, not anymore.

This is something that I talk about in the “Vanishing of Mike Wheeler” post, where Mike follows Eddie’s voice into the hands of a waiting Henry, and I think this heavily plays into that. Mike desperately needs Eddie to be alive, not just because he’s a good friend, but Eddie was sort of a beacon of hope to Mike in the sense that he proved queer boys could thrive. If Eddie really is dead, what does that mean for Mike? He’s alone again. Even more so after having his romantic hope stomped on at the end of the season, once Will unintentionally revoked that belief of required feelings Mike had.

This is a lot of Eddie, but it all ties back to Dustin and Mike fighting over it. Dustin held Eddie in his arms as the life drained from his eyes, he’s gonna be pissed if Mike tries to make him think it wasn’t real. Dustin knows Eddie is dead. Dustin has always been able to believe Mike more easily than other people, they’ve grown especially close between S3 and S4, but Eddie died in Dustin’s arms. Mike is gonna refute Eddie’s death and it’s not gonna go over well with Dustin.

Losing the one friend he feels like he still has, who he can still be close with, is going to be coming back in Mike’s trance. Mike’s biggest fear has always been about losing the people he loves. Right now, Dustin is the only person Mike hasn’t lost in one way or another. When Mike pushes too far and loses Dustin too, that’ll be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Dustin is gonna be significant in Mike’s trance as a sort of staple that he really is alone. Dustin never gave up on him and yet he still ended up losing him. Everybody leaves Mike eventually, because no matter what Mike will never be good enough for the people he loves. He’s not even scraping by as good anymore. Dustin’s gonna hammer that insecurity in, making him truly believe he is completely, utterly alone.

Lucas; Normalcy

Lucas’ role is actually gonna be huge I think. A lot of Mike’s arc specifically regarding his sexuality outside of Will and El falls into Lucas’ hands because Lucas is representative of everything Mike wishes he were. Lucas is very similar to Mike (even if he doesn’t see these traits in himself); they’re both loyal, kind, stubborn, brave, etc. but Lucas is still what Mike strives for and we see that a lot in S3.

Even more so than just sexuality, because that was most of Mike’s attempt at normalcy in S3, we see Mike wanting to be like Lucas in other ways in S4. There’s a massive conflict between the two of them that runs deep, but during the cafeteria scene we see a sports book on the table, specifically one about how to become an athlete. This couldn’t be Lucas’ because he’s not eating with them. It’s pretty clear that none of the original Hellfire members are interested in any kind of sport, which only leaves Dustin and Mike. Why the hell would Dustin be reading about becoming an athlete? There’s no service to his character in that and there’s no previous indication of him wanting to play sports.

The book is Mike’s. Mike expresses his frustration with Lucas for joining the basketball team and choosing the championship game over Hellfire, yet we still see him showing some form of longing for the things Lucas has. By S4, Mike has accepted his sexuality and that he cannot change it (even if he has conflicted feelings about it) and that is heavily intertwined to him returning to being a freak by joining Hellfire, but Mike still thinks about what it would be like to be like Lucas. Mike finds light in Hellfire, a place where he can be unashamed of his passion for DND and where he doesn’t have to repress his sexuality (thank Eddie for that one). Part of him, however, still searches in the dark. There’s a temptation to return to that darkness, the one he hid in during S3, and that temptation comes from seeing Lucas manage to find light in the things that are nothing but darkness for Mike. I think Mike sometimes wonders if he can find light in that darkness, too. I think Mike gets kept up at night wondering if he had just kept pushing, kept trying to be normal, if he would have ended up like Lucas somehow. I think he wonders if there’s an even brighter light that he’ll only find by suffering through the darkness first.

Mike doesn’t understand that Lucas was never really doing all the basketball and popularity stuff because it made him happy, but rather out of necessity. Mike and Lucas’ worlds are both incredibly different, but neither sees that about the other. That’s part of what brings about their conflict. If Mike went the way Lucas did, things wouldn’t have ended well. They didn’t end well for Lucas. Lucas’ arc ends with him learning that he never wanted to be like the people he was surrounding himself with. Mike, however, is completely unaware of all this. Mike and Lucas have barely spoken since their fight, where Lucas was still fully on board with being normal — that being normal was better for all of them than being nerds and freaks. Mike doesn’t know anything about what happened with the basketball team. What happened with Jason. To Mike, Lucas is still the peak example of success through normalcy.

Part of Mike still wants to be normal. Mike needed Hellfire, desperately so, but it wasn’t enough. Mike had a space to start being himself, but Hellfire wasn’t a place for Mike. It was a place for freaks, nothing more and nothing less. Eddie didn’t open his arms to Mike on account of Mike being himself, but rather another freak in need of a place to be a bit of a freak. Hellfire successfully gave Mike a place to play DND and start accepting his sexuality (both heavily involved in his arc with Will) but Mike’s internal conflict doesn’t start nor end with who he’s attracted to. Mike has a huge problem in believing he, himself, is good enough. Hellfire gave Mike a place to accept his freakishness, but Mike is more than just a freak. Hellfire isn’t enough. There’s still something missing for Mike, and it’s something Hellfire can’t solve.

Lucas plays into Mike’s trance by being the epitome of everything Mike wishes he were. Lucas has everything Mike feels he lacks, especially in S4. If Mike were normal, if Mike weren’t gay and if he were a better person, maybe he could’ve been like Lucas.

Most likely, I think we’re gonna get some kind of scene where Lucas rejects Mike for his sexuality. He rejects Mike for not being normal, for not being good at sports and for liking boys and for being weak. Mike feels like he’s nothing special at all, and Lucas is only gonna serve to rub it in that Mike is right.

His Parents; Shame Over Emotions

This one is a little self explanatory, to be honest. Karen and Ted have set a lot of expectations for Mike that are more or less impossible to meet. They have set him up with the expectation of perfect emotional independence and control from a young age and they’re often very critical of a lot of his behavior.

Ted has never been there for any of his kids. He’s never even bothered to try. All he adds to Mike’s life is disapproval and critique. Unless Mike is doing something Ted doesn’t like, Ted is totally absent in anything beyond being a money maker. He’s always nitpicking Mike’s emotions. He’s not supposed to care so much about Will in S1, he’s not supposed to react so strongly to everything that happened and act out in S2 (Ted literally implies he should be getting kicked out for this with the whole “if it was my coach, you would be getting kicked off the team” thing), he gets no critique in S3, and he’s judged by Ted in S4 for his passion for DND. The only thing he’s ever seemed to approve of is Mike having a girlfriend. Otherwise, he’s just constantly telling Mike to be less emotional about everything. He’s setting the expectation of emotional control and apathy, just like Ted himself.

Karen, on the other hand, sets a certain expects of emotional independence. The best example of this is when she tells Ted to wait for Mike to come to them after Will’s body is found. Karen does offer support sometimes, through things like open arms and offering to get Mike any movie he wants when he’s supposedly too sad to go to school. The times she chooses to support him, though, set an expectation; he’s only meant to lean on others when he’s at his absolute worst. Even then, Mike is never allowed to open up about what he’s feeling. Karen offers minimal comfort to fulfill her need to be a good parent but it doesn’t let Mike feel as though he can reach out to other people. He’s expected to reach out to others, but when he does we don’t see any real depth to those conversations (except for with Will). Mike is expected to be mature and independent enough to be the one to reach out at twelve years old. He’s expected to be able to handle himself entirely when he’s not hitting rock bottom, and then Karen expects him to reach out when he does despite never really giving him good reason to do so.

Karen and Ted don’t set many surface level expectations with Mike. They aren’t involved enough in his life to really care about whether or not he plays sports or gets good grades. They do, however, expect Mike to be able to fill in the emotional void they’ve left entirely on his own. They expect him to be able to function entirely on his own and have perfect emotional intelligence. Ted encourages him to be apathetic, but Mike is anything but. He’s filled with love and care and anger and grief but he’s expected not to feel any of it at all. Karen doesn’t help by only supporting him when he’s at his lowest of lows.

In his trance, I wouldn’t be shocked if his memories switched to his parents after something incredibly emotional where they’d treat him as though he’s overreacting to it all. It’d really be a great way to showcase how Mike is very rarely allowed to express his emotions as they truly are, and we see him reign himself back several times throughout the show when he realizes he’s putting too much care into something and people are getting frustrated with him for it. It explains why he suddenly seems apathetic when the reality is that he cares so much that he gets shamed for it.

El; Lies

This one doesn’t need a ton of explanation. One of Mike’s core values established in the very first episodes of the show is that friends shouldn’t lie to each other. He holds himself and people around him to that same standard for a long time, and we see people adopt it and hold themselves to it too through the party, but especially El and Will.

His entire relationship with El has forced him to lie. Initially, he hadn’t been lying because he did want to be in a relationship with El as he hoped it would fix him (though we do see him use small lies to get out of hanging out with El without blowing his straight boy act). By the time the ending of S3 comes around, Mike has realized that his feelings for boys, for Will, can’t change no matter how hard he tries to fix himself. El kissed him, but they had been broken up for four months and in that time Mike had grieved the loss of Will (again) and met Eddie. Mike’s accepted his sexuality, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to be open about it. At that point, he may not even like it (though by the start of S4 he does seem to be letting himself indulge in his attraction to guys beyond Will). He’s not ready to come out, and in his mind there’s no way to easily explain to El why he doesn’t want to be together without losing her entirely. So he goes with it. He starts lying.

Mike’s relationship with El after the S3 ending is a huge culmination of Mike conflicting with himself about lying. Contrary to his actions, he actually doesn’t like lying. He doesn’t want to lie to El, but also it’s impossible to be on this relationship with her without doing so. For so long he’s been lying to one of the people he cares about the most, and by the time he gets tranced El will most likely have broken up with him, revealing that his lies throughout all of this were for nothing and he’ll feel like he lost her anyway.

Mike feels plenty of guilt about lying. Even more so, he still wasn’t good enough even when he lied. Even doing the thing he hates he isn’t good enough. In the end, no matter how hard he tried to be enough for El, be the boy she wanted, he couldn’t do it. Lying caused him to lose El. He’s never good enough.

Nancy; Being Unloved

Nancy Wheeler… I have such a love/hate relationship with her specifically because of this.

Nancy is being given emphasis through her lack of presence in many ways. Over the course of the seasons, Nancy has grown more and more distant from Mike and Mike no longer feels cared about by her the way he used to. This post shows how S4 really hammers that fact in. Her lack of any sort of displayed care towards him throughout all of S4 is incredibly important and also a huge contrast to her behavior in S1.

Do I think Nancy cares about Mike? Of course I do. She does care about him. That doesn’t mean Mike feels as though she does, and that doesn’t mean she’s showing him she cares. Like at all. Every interaction they had in S4 showed Nancy as somehow annoyed or making fun of him. She was frustrated when he wasn’t dressed, seethed at Mike suggesting she join them for DND, and talked about how Mike’s room has looked worse than Hopper’s cabin. Mike doesn’t see her reaction to her vision and she gives him no indication of being worried about him upon his return. We have no reason to believe their relationship is anything different outside of what we’re being shown, and we’ve seen their relationship devolve with each season. This behavior in S4 isn’t even that new! Nancy was only barely more considerate towards him in S3.

Nancy, more than anyone else, is being shown as the absence in Mike’s life. She is missing from those core reconciliation scenes. Nancy’s love is absent in Mike’s life entirely at this point and she’s only shown to express negative feelings towards him (when he’s around).

This really isn’t hard to tie into Mike’s trance.

Everything I’ve been talking about this far contributes to this fear that Mike just… doesn’t deserve to be loved. There’s so many things he feels are wrong with him, so many things he’s destroyed. It’s an easy recipe to believe he doesn’t deserve to be loved. That people can see all the things he hates about himself and hate him for it too. Nancy is the peak example of this in S4. We don’t see any love or care expressed towards Mike that he’s made aware of and he only witnesses her frustration or the way she points out his inability to keep his room clean. Nancy used to dress up for his campaigns but now she seethes at Mike even asking her to join. Nancy used to make sure Mike was ok, even chaperoned his middle school dance, and now she doesn’t acknowledge him after he’s been missing for a week even though she was clearly worried about Jonathan. Sometime between the start of all this and now, it’s not hard to believe that Mike thinks his sister has grown to hate him no matter how far from the truth that is. Nancy doesn’t show care like she used to, and Mike is going to blame himself for that.

Will

Now, I find it nearly impossible to assign Will a role in revealing a specific part of Mike that’s been hidden from us. He’s his own category! So much of what has been hidden from us has been about Mike’s feelings for Will specifically.

There’s so many things that could happen with Mike’s feelings for Will, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Will came up as a topic multiple times and we were just given insight into things we weren’t before. Things like missing reactions throughout the show will come in to fill the gaps. We’ll probably get some sort of false confession from Will turned dark, or Will confronting Mike and telling him that he’d never feel the same for someone who’s hurt him so much.

What the trance serves to do is give us perspective on why Mike acts the way he does and give us the missing pieces, but pretty much every season except S3 has had Mike’s plot almost entirely revolves around Will. There is so much missing perspective from Mike’s relationship with Will because we have seen infinitely more of their dynamic without any of Mike’s perspective and because Will plays such a huge role in Mike’s storylines.

Will, on his own, is one of Mike’s greatest strengths and his greatest weaknesses. Everything that I’ve listed so far is something that plays heavily into Mike’s relationship with Will. Those pieces that are being given to us through other characters are filling in Mike’s story, and a ton of Mike’s story is about or includes Will, much more than any other character. When we get Will playing into Mike’s trance, it’ll probably mostly be the things we expect to see. All these missing pieces are gonna be used to fill in Mike’s story with Will in one way or another, so all these fears and insecurities I’ve listed will probably somehow end up getting looped back to Will. Will is vital to every aspect of Mike’s trance. I can’t categorize Will and give an accurate idea of what’ll happen because he’s gonna be everywhere. He’s built into every aspect of Mike’s being, therefore he’s built into the trance’s core.

Final Scene

Okay, so this past does come from the Overkill album and I discuss evidence in that original post, so here’s just a description of what my ideal final scene for Mike’s trance would be.

He’s back at the cliff. He’s spent the last unknown but ungodly long stretch of time completely alone being taunted and more or less psychologically tortured. He’s tried to wait for the music from his friends to save him, but it never came. He’s been left behind and he understands why, seeing as what all these depictions have been confirming for him. So he’s back at the cliff, ready to finally give up. Nobody is coming for him. Nobody is here to tell him to jump or make him stop. This is entirely his own choice, his own want to just let it end.

The toes of his shoes are barely over the very edge of the cliff when music starts echoing from all around him and a portal finally, finally opens. His friends are waiting for him on the other side, holding off Henry. They’re finally here. At this point, though, Mike isn’t even sure if it’s worth going back. He’s at this cliff for a reason. It’s been hammered in over and over why he deserves this. He almost wants this, wants to finally be free from it all.

His friends are screaming his name on the other side and he can’t move. God, he misses his friends. He misses Dustin and Lucas and El and he misses his family and he misses Will. After all of this, though, he doesn’t think he deserves to go back. But they’re calling for him. They want him to come home. They didn’t forget him, they came back.

Mike turns and runs towards the portal, choosing for himself to live. Right now, he’s choosing to live and come back to everyone. They came for him. It’s unbelievable, but they came for him.

This isn’t necessarily a resolution to Mike’s suicidiality more than it’s reinforcing that Mike is very suicidal, that he would jump off that cliff Dustin or no Dustin. He does have a reason to live, and it’s for the people he loves. In that same vein, he’s also willing to die for them. His care for his own life isn’t very strong, and he hasn’t yet discovered his own self worth, which could very well lead to a sacrifice to save one of them.

I think it’d 1. be so captivating and insane to watch and 2. reinforce the state of Mike’s mental health before he returns back to the real world and we’re no longer diving into the deepest depths of his mind when he does things.

anyway, hope all that was good enough!! love you based anon <3

[sophsun1]

contrary to the other anons opinion, i think you should make MORE qaf gifs!!!

but on the real, i’m one of those people who didn’t watch qaf until this year and it’s been such a treat to be able to come to your blog every day and see new qaf content so thank you!

Hey anon!

Aww, thank you I really appreciate you saying that and I'm glad you enjoy the content. It's why I do it, so me and other fans can see it and to spread a tiny bit of escapism happiness 💕

To be honest I wouldn't have even acknowledged that anon because the best way to deal with hate is to straight up block and delete. Don't even give them your energy as the issue is with them and not you. But what triggered me was the blatant entitlement and rudeness that they had a right to tell me what to post on MY blog. As far as I'm aware I do not have a gun to their head or anyone's asking them to follow me if they don't like what I post. I would rather you unfollow and go enjoy the things you want to see, why make yourself upset over something that is so avoidable and trivial in the grand scheme of things.

You are in charge of what you see on here, unfollow, block, filter the tag are all options available to you so the idiocy of going to the blog owner and demanding they tailor their content to suit you is ridiculous.

Plus I came onto tumblr posting qaf and have been doing so for TWO YEARS. My icon is qaf and so is my header and if you ask my mutuals/followers what is Soph known for? they'll say oh she's the one posting qaf! It's not like it's not obvious I post about it. I didn't know my two whole gifsets a day was overkill, and what made me laugh was I do post gifs about other shows, my top posts reflect that and are all non qaf related! My other show interests are on hiatus so I can't exactly magic up content to gif. I make a lot of gifs for fandoms that don't even have active gif makers anymore so yk.

There's enough unkindness in the world as it is, and I use tumblr and gif making as a creative escape as do the majority of content creators on here, whether it's answering asks, writing fic, writing meta, funny posts etc whatever. It's my tiny safe space to be silly and post with and for my followers. I go through enough shit in real life I don't welcome it here.

The major reason why I love posting gifs in general for qaf is because I only discovered the show two years ago and when I came on here there was zero content. So I took it upon myself to learn gif making and I'm 100% self taught, no one has shown me how to do anything I've had to go search it myself. I'm really fucking proud of how far I've come with making them, from my grainy and uncoloured ones which I still smile at because I made them with love to the ones that I create now. It takes literal hours and the process isn't easy. So now to be the one posting stuff for old fans, new fans to discover is me coming tumblr full circle!

There's many gif makers like me that create for "dead fandoms" or forgotten shows, and sometimes it might be that if we didn't post then there would be nothing for people to enjoy like it was for me. I've had people who followed me from day one and my first ever britin gifset who still pop up in my notes now and people who have discovered the show from my gifs, and ones like you who come to the tag and see my unhinged self all over it.

So in conclusion my point is first off think twice before you hit that anon button with hate, because there's a real life person behind that icon who is causing you no harm so have the decency to do the same in return. Imagine someone did become self conscious after getting that ask and stopped posting something they like. Let people enjoy what they want and it's first world problems to be complaining about, I don't take stuff on here seriously when it's fandom stuff but I don't care for nastiness towards anyone.

I wish more people did make qaf gifs so I would have stuff to reblog myself and could take a break lmao it's lonely out here. It doesn't even have to be gifs, it can be meta, mood boards, screenshots, fic anything. So qaf fans get to it pls...

Keep creating what you like, for me it doesn't have to be the best quality gifs or greatest technical gifset. What makes me smile and I love seeing is people post stuff because they wanna have fun, they took the time and effort to create and post because it came from the heart. So fuck anyone else as we're all losers on tumblr together!

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Living for your gif game lmao and your timeline posts and honestly now i get why there's so much scepticism about this whole 'relationship'. It really seems like PR on roids, overkill. You should add the eldest nephew follow -you know the one taller than alba-, and the yoga group pics and the certificate trolling to prove she was in ATL the 'whole time' after the people article. It's all highly sus and artificial. Mostly because if they were private, they could've remained private any way, get spotted in the wild, organically?? Promo for her show? That's tacky. There are honestly many things not adding up, not only the weird body language. However, he'll be featured in nasty articles about hollywood age gaps relationships lol

OMG, HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE YOGA CERTIFICATE??? I had a really good Thai soup that day that I couldn't enjoy because of the fandom explosion, lol.

OMG, AND I FORGOT HER POSTING HER MOM'S AGE TO IG.

[orphanedwolfandfriends]

😮

SEND IN 😮 AND I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT ONE OF MY OCS I DON’T PUBLICLY WRITE.

This is Baron. His names prior used to be Bane, and then Benjamin.

He was made to be Cayla's MAIN villain the entire time, as people outside of Discord have no idea who he is, or what I have her story being like.

He used to look like Hellsing’s Alucard but with a skeleton head when I first drew him.

I'm actually bad at trying to put how horrible of a man he is into words rn but he's a piece of shit.

I used to make his reason for his villainy be for him to prove himself to a woman he loved.

This one makes me cringe, but the woman I made him love was Scarlet Overkill from Minions, back when I thought that movie was good. I mean, Scarlet still slaps and it had me discover Sandra Bullock but that's besides the point. 2015 was a weird time.

He is an old mother fucker, living through decades and decades of doing well...Baron things, I need to work out some plot consistencies.

You might be wondering, 'what the fuck does he have against our sweet wolf child' it's not just her. It's a large chunk of her brethren he pulls shenanigans with.

He used to be like, a head honcho of my own ghouls, which I took a lot of inspo from what little I understood after watching Tokyo Ghoul at the time (meaning I straight up just called them ghouls and called it a day. I didn't even get that far in the show to be honest with ya [sweats])

The most I've ever written of him doing shit when it had to do with Cayla was at an rp that I would give my whole-ass debit card and both kidneys to revamp. Every other rp I had him be in, he was just there lmao

This post got longer than I meant for but yes this is one of the 530+ brain babies I have.

[yumenosakiacademy]

if any1 wants context 4 the ask from earlier bc it was Out Of Left Field, its tht yesterday i saw some1 rbing my gifs whose, like, whole Thing was jus like being "anti-white ppl" n "white ppl, dont follow" (it was in their pinned And their url- talk abt overkill mayb lol is tht their whole personality) n i was like "i dont like the kinds of ppl who act like tht n i say as muchz so," so i blocked them bc i kinda didnt want some1 like tht interacting w me n they noticed they were blocked n got pissy n assumed me 2 b a white person n apparently screenshotted my dni n posted it n were like [paraphrased] "turns out im blocked but i checked their dni n now i dont feel so bad abt it, ugh why do white ppl act like this shit online; some of us dont wanna b around pur Oppressors bc of irl shit" or w/e (how r random tumblr users who haven't slighted u comparable n responsible 4 irl Bigots fuckery n also, again, im mixed (so who's this Ppl theyre speaking of lol), n if they bothered 2 look like 1 cm Down on my pinned dni, the literal Next Line/Sentence, it says so lmao) n they decided, w the intelligence of a 12 yr old gamer, 2 immediately go "im gonna call them a whitey slur tht'll teach this white fuck 4 blocking ME!" i guess jghnsd lol

[studyari]

march update

it’s officially midterms time. i thought i would post an update becuase this semester has took SO much out of me. i finished my internship funded by the national science foundation in january, can’t say i made too many ties there since i hardly saw my superiors. BUT i did get to know the metrology lab pretty well and even got their machine working. going into it i did NOT imagine i could accomplish that but i felt so good getting it working! i even made a little overturn training manual and gave it over to them. 

okay so starting this semester i am in my gateway courses. so a bunch of physics courses at one time ugh plus i was taking differential and linear algebra. i got so stressed out with the workload that i had a dream where i crashed into a forest and the airbags went off lol. that same morning i dropped my lab and differential equations. it was just WAYYY too much for me. 

i’m still a full time student so it was clear i was doing too much. hmm okay so i’m in my gateway courses so mathematical physics, classical mechanics, and modern physics. i knew i was going to struggle with classical mechanics because kinematics alone was hard for me to grasp and it’s basically dynamics. i didn’t apply as an engineering major literally because i didn’t want to take dynamics LOL i struggled in statics. Of course im taking the same class just named something else and a lot harder T_T. i also wanted to get some undergrad research experience and work in an electronic materials lab but yeah i’m just tooooo busy it was a good idea though lmao.

okay but honestly mechanics is the hardest class for me, modern physics is my most interesting class, and mathematical isn’t too bad even though i suck at math because our teacher grades us mostly on completion and work shown. the hardest thing about this semester is just the schedule itself. so we have to take all three at the same time for some reason or you wouldn’t be able to register for the class ummm overkill much?! and the schedule is from 10am - 7:30 pm ughhhh. I have to take the bus there so add on a couple hours and then i have to walk to class. ohhh i miss the online/hybrid classes so much lol. by the time i’m in my last class i am literally asleep. don’t worry ive started drinking coffee.

looking on the brighter sides of things i’m being a lot more involved in campus and i’m really liking getting to know my classmates! i am so antisocial and awkward so im surprised. i’ve been going to the women in stem meetings, society of astronomy, nsbe coding workshops, ieee circuits workshops, career fairs, and boba socials just for funsies. i realize school isnt all about good grades and killing yourself for that A. i’ve even had more time to spend with my friends (it is so true what they say about making time not having it lol). almost every other weekend we see each other and have little celebrations, watch movies, have study dates, go to the park, get coffee/boba, go shopping etc. and facetiming my friends back in arizona as well! one of my club advisors told me its actually the b and c students that do better in the job market and isnt that freaking crazy! ever since then ive been reminding myself that being perfect and getting a’s isnt always worth it. i have other life to live too and people wont necessarily fault me for that.

okay as for my grades though i have been bombing every single quiz like a 50 or LESS LMAO. that’s with me studying at least a whole day before. however as of now i have passed every exam so far. so my current grades right now are 90% in modern physics, 98% mathematical physics, 100% classical mechanics (but a lot f the grades arent in yet), and a 99% in linear algebra. See and thats me not killing myself this semester so im super happy i decided to not overdo it, it really doesnt make as much as a difference as i thought lmao clearly.

looking forward to spring break! i was in therapy/behavioral health all last year trying to tackle my anxiety and i would say its been helping. its all about making a choice. i’m also in physical therapy now for the next couple of months and then once summer starts i’ll start going back to therapy again. this post might seem positive but this semester i have never felt more unmotivated or stupid. some days i feel like i cant do this and that everyone else around me is so much more capable. but i know as soon as i give into those thoughts that i’ll end up giving up and i don't want to give up. my boyfriend also has been feeling the same way. 

i also lost my wallet this week soooo all my documentation and identification is gone ugh. i had a full on breakdown but am getting that figured out. i’m going to an applications of black holes seminar tomorrow and i am super excited about that. took my linear algebra exam today too, (WHY IS THAT CLASS SO HARD BTW). i havent yet applied but theres this summer research opportunity happening at the university of toronto (dunlap institute of physics and astrophysics) and i think im going to apply! i really want to travel this year and experience something new!

[koqabear]

?/?/!/!/!/! JUST FINISHED OYD that was probably the most fucked up fic i've ever read (which is a compliment even though it sounds so mean😭) the way the anger, rage and fear in me just went 📈📈📈 this ask is all over the place i'm so sorry but i haven't calmed down from reading yet and i don't even know where to actually start you really didn't lie when you said these men were insane😭😭 the situation started off bad and by the end it was literal hell🫥 and now that i've finished my heart is just hurting so badly for both soobin and yn but especially him there's a genuine ache in my heart brb need to look at soobin tweets to make sure he's okay LMAO about to reread the part where he runs to her and get my heart broken all over again😁👍🏻 and i should've seen the reveal coming but i can officially say that i'm naive and felt like somebody hit me upside the head when it happened🫶🏻 never trusting a man again . i am actually so sick and vile for just sending this to you now after i've been meaning to for what feels like the last three decades🫥 i am SOSOSOSO in love with your works!!!!! i came across take it and proceeded to read through your whole masterlist in one sitting but couldn't find you again until you posted hey emo boy and i was about to shed tears of joy😭😭 i absolutely love your world building and when you kept updating the word count apologizing for how long it got i was like 😈😈😈 i love seeing LONG fics and it's so hard to find them for txt</3 so i just keep reread yours hehe i was so excited to read and it exceeded all expectations!!! this once again manifested your spot as my favorite writer on here i genuinely cannot put into words how much i admire you😔 thank you so so so much for posting, i hope you rest well after working so hard on it<333333

ASKSGAKAHK RAHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH AAAGGGHHHHH

I absolutely loved writing unhinged insane men, I think I might do it again in the future—

Soobin, the poor man… I really did do him dirty, but I’d like to think that if beomjun were normal fucking people the two of them would’ve been able to spark an actual relationship <3

I think the slow spiral into insanity was my favorite part to write, watching how they slowly begin treating her worse and worse was fun to portray haha

Also I absolutely loooove world building and long stories, you can trust me to keep contributing it to the txt fanfic community 🙏

I did feel kinda bad when updating the word count because I keep wondering if it was overkill and if people would even read it… but amazing people like you encourage me to keep going 🫶

Thank you, I can’t begin to express how happy I am to hear that you enjoyed all my works <333 things like this really stick, and trust me your review had me giggling and kicking my feet. 

I did indeed rest well, and I am more than ready to torment everyone with my insane concepts ❗️